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Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 1 Aug '18


I've been doing some psychological research on the Mordhau player-base because I wanted to find out, can going too long without a patch be a direct cause for mental-degradation in the player?


It first started several months ago, about 10 days after Patch 16 had released. Despite people enjoying themselves and lauding it as one of the best patches to date, I noticed something peculiar: the players themselves had already shown signs of intellectual-deterioration. Players began to equip stupider-looking armor, using shittier weapons, and saying things like "yeet" more often: a phrase which is closely associated with mental retardation, and has literally no meaning.


However it wasn't until after week three, the first 21 days, that I could absolutely confirm my theory with hard evidence. Provided are images I've created to illustrate the visual changes that can be seen in the Mordhau community as they continue to go several weeks without any new content.


By Day 30, which I call "The point of no return" for the purposes of this study, I began to realize that there could indeed be a direct link between Alpha 17 not being here yet and a loss of brain functionality. Not only visually, but their behavior has devolved as well. Smoke Pot usage has increased 317%. Players are roleplaying as pseudo-archers and using throwing axes as their primary weapon. More and more players are equipping themselves with wooden hammers and wearing the padded coif.

I can also conclude that roleplaying is a major contribution towards this gradual loss of cognitive function, as depicted below.


Since recently hitting the 3 month mark, we have reached levels of cerebral functions that were deranged and completely subhuman. I fear that unless Alpha 17 is released soon, the brain damage could be permanent. I don't want to imagine what the player-base will be like there's still no patch after day 100... but I'm afraid that soon that could very well could be the case.

The horrifying creature you see below is what I like to call "a tomato". Once a human, but now something lesser.


I will continue to record my findings and hope that I can find a way to slow the mental-degradation with or without a patch: possibly a vaccine. Although I've heard vaccines cause autism, so that may be counter intuitive. If you want to avoid becoming a tomato, I recommend you stick to longsword and 3/3/3 and never use smoke pots (the tomatoes seem to call them "vapes" for some reason).

I hope this has been an informative and educational post.

Here is a timeline graph.



Day 100 is upon us. I fear the end is near. The tomato uprising is upon us.


Knight 766 3328
  • 3
  • 31 Jan '19

Heep Whitacre

During the 16th century there was an old farmer named Heep Whitacre, better known as Mr. Whitacre by his acquaintances, who lived alone in his humble homestead a few miles off the coast of beautiful Cape Itherhew. He grew an assortment of vegetables, radishes and carrots mostly, and would take a trip into town to sell his goods to his long-time friend Mr. Wheech who would then resell them at his general store. Pratie Wheech they called him, because he loved potatoes so much he'd eat 'em every day. One fateful day, rather than paying Heep for his perishables with money, he offered some seeds instead.


"Listen here Heep... I've got something you'll want to grow in your field! With these seeds you'll have quite a bountiful yield! No more carrots or radishes, not even potatoes! For what I have here are the seeds of tomatoes! Red, plump, and juicy; the vegetable wanted by kings! With the profits you'll earn you'll buy so many things! For just one season's harvest you can have these spores. Or perhaps you'd rather just take the gold, the choice is yours!"

Mr. Whitacre stroked his beard while listening to the salesman's intriguing offer. He quickly came to a decision, taking the seeds with a smile, thinking in his mind all of the wonderful ways he could spend the money he'd make. He planted the seeds, watered them well, and within no time at all his new tomato patch was coming along great. Sure enough, his tomatoes earned him a huge profit after the first harvest, and of course Pratie Wheech made his fair share from reselling them at his store. After a few more harvests, Heep made so much money he was able to hire workers to grow the crops for him.


Many of the other farmers near Cape Itherhew tried to grow tomatoes of their own as well, but none succeeded, as there something was special about Heep's land: it was the only soil where the crops would grow. Heep eventually received a very generous offer by a rich real-estate baron by the name of Archie Thweep to buy his plot, enough gold to live like a nobleman for the rest of his life, but Mr. Whitacre refused to sell. Things we're going great for Heep, he even thought about finding a wife to start a family with. But it was the very next morning that Mr. Whitacre's luck suddenly changed, just as he was riding into town. His business partner Pratie, surrounded by tomatoes, looked at Heep with a frown and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Heep... but it looks like tomatoes aren't so hard to grow. Every farmer that rode into today had a full load of tomatoes, wouldn't you know! I'm afraid tomatoes aren't worth much anymore, and I can't afford to buy your crops. I'm sorry Heep, but maybe you could try your luck at one of the other shops?"


Mr. Whitacre was surprised and worried, wondering what would he do now that his crop was no longer valuable. He decided to grow some carrots and radishes, just like before, though still growing some tomatoes for himself. That's when things got even worse, his others crops wouldn't grow, only the tomatoes would thrive. Even after a couple of years had passed, not a single crop would grow other than the tomatoes, no matter what he tried. His fortune had dwindled, and he had gradually lost nearly everything but the farm itself. Though he hated how they tasted, Heep ate only tomatoes to save money. Tomato soup, roasted tomatoes, and sometimes just raw tomatoes by themselves. He used the last of his money to buy himself a vivid red & green outfit, complete with a padded doublet fit for a noblemen, so he could at least imagine what the good life would have been like. Frustrated about the status of his patch, Heep took one of his tomatoes and threw it against his house in anger.

Poverty-stricken and sick of eating tomatoes, Heep rode into town at night with a cart full of rotting tomatoes that he couldn't sell or eat. He went up to Pratie Wheech's general store, a tomato in each hand, and painted the front of his shop red. He even tossed some through the open window, hearing some shattering glass at some point. He couldn't help but laugh at himself while vandalizing the man's store, screaming "DODGE THIS YOU BASTARD", resenting the man for selling him the seemingly cursed seeds that would ruin his life. For a moment he stood there in his red & green outfit, a strange smile on his face, overwhelmed with the feeling of catharsis, then ran off before anyone could catch him. He visited the store again in the morning, curious to see what kind of reaction the townspeople would have.


The town was gathered, a mixture of shocked reactions and sorrowful weeping could be heard. The general store was burnt to the ground, leaving only a crumbled pile of burnt wood and ash surrounded by a charred frame that barely stood. Mr. Wheech was on his knees, hands covering his face, his wife and kids crying next to him. Heep thought back to last night, how the sound of glass breaking inside might have been a lantern. His act of vandalism had inadvertently become one of arson. What was meant to be a cruel prank ended up completely destroying this man's livelihood, yet somehow felt almost no remorse. Instead, Heep surged with an intense feeling of excitement and power at the thought of taking revenge so easily. He thought about the other farmers who’d ruin his business by making tomatoes worthless, and began planning.

Over the next few weeks Mr. Whitacre had created makeshift fire-bombs out of ingredients he had on his farm. He barely slept, didn’t bathe or even take off his outfit. Eating only tomatoes to keep himself satiated, Heep kept working tirelessly to create these weapons of vengeance. Finally, he rode in the night to a nearby rival farmstead, tightly gripping two clay pots in his hand filled with the vicious flammable substance that would soon lay waste to his victim’s land. Without hesitation he cast the fire-bombs outward and fled from the scene, hearing the sounds of roaring flames and his victim’s screams from behind. One after the other, Heep burned down every last farm near Cape Itherhew until there was only one left: his own. When he realized that people would become suspicious if he was the only farm left, he planned on destroying even his own farm later that night, but it was too late.


The baron Archie Thweep had shown up with a mob of townspeople, as enough people had reported seeing a strange man dressed up like a tomato as the possible culprit for the recent string of serial arsons, and arrested Heep to be investigated for his crimes. They found enough evidence of his makeshift bombs to prove he was the culprit, and sentenced him to be executed for his unspeakable crimes. When asked if he had any final words before death, all he managed to mutter in a weak voice was one simple question: “where patchie?” To this very day, people still don’t entirely understand what he meant by that, though they do find it strange that all of the proper nouns in this short story are anagrams of it.

The people of this town were so horrified of the event, that they decided to never eat tomatoes again, banning farmers from growing them out of fear that eating too many tomatoes causes you to become stark-raving mad. The tale of the town's irrational tomato fear, and the story of their tomato man serial arsonist, soon spread to other kingdoms. The legacy of Heep Whitacre was not soon forgotten. Peasants and farmers who've heard the story often interpret it as a tale of poor men uprising against the rich noble barons, referring to it as the "tomato uprising". Overworked, underpaid men will don the tomato suit and join together as rebels to fight for fairness: equal treatment for all. Nevertheless, anyone caught wearing such a ridiculous outfit is often killed on sight as ordered by the high court, to thwart their rebellious efforts.



Knight 766 3328
  • 3 Jul '19

How to deal with

racists, sexists, and toxic players

in other words: people that you don't like.



Individual method - deal with individual toxic players.


Simply left-click on the toxic player in your chat box, which will open up a menu.

You have 3 options from here:

  • Mute - This will simply mute the player, hiding their nasty messages from sight.
  • Motivational Mute - This will convert all of the bad things they say into good things.
  • Votekick - Not recommended unless the player is actively teamkilling, hacking, etc.


Bulletproof method - never deal with toxicity again!


Simply go to your options and turn off chat. Simple as that!

Mordhau is not a game where seeing chat is necessary, and often times simply turning chat off can make the game more peaceful and relaxing. If you're easily offended by certain words, and never want to see them again, this is the premiere method!

There, was that so hard?


Knight 766 3328
  • 13 Jan '19



Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 15 Oct '18

Alpha Release Dates
(Format: MM/DD/YYYY)
Alpha #01 - 09/12/2017
Alpha #02 - 09/14/2017 - (2 days)
Alpha #03 - 09/15/2017 - (1 day)
Alpha #04 - 09/18/2017 - (3 days)
Alpha #05 - 09/20/2017 - (2 days)
Alpha #06 - 09/25/2017 - (5 days)
Alpha #07 - 10/02/2017 - (7 days)
Alpha #08 - 10/03/2017 - (1 day)
Alpha #09 - 10/14/2017 - (11 days)
Alpha #10 - 10/25/2017 - (11 days)
Alpha #11 - 12/07/2017 - (43 days)
Alpha #12 - 12/19/2017 - (12 days)
Alpha #13 - 01/10/2018 - (22 days)
Alpha #14 - 03/21/2018 - (70 days)
Alpha #15 - 04/17/2018 - (27 days)
Alpha #16 - 05/01/2018 - (14 days)
Alpha #17 - 08/25/2018 - (116 days)
Alpha #18 - Not yet released. Has been 51 days so far.

Average number of days: 23.4


:pain: WHERE PATCHIE :pain:

Knight 766 3328
Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 9 Aug '18



Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 11 Mar '19

When Perks were first added it was an interesting and welcomed experimental change, but since then they've not been refined at all and at this point feel very tacked-on and unnecessary. There are a few perks that fundamentally change gameplay (Rush, Flesh Wound, Dodge, and Peasant) - but everything else can be reworked into the base gameplay or removed entirely.

Here are some examples of removing perks and naturally baking them into the game:

Cat, Acrobat, Rat, Ranger, Tenacious

  • Wearing lighter armor will give you decreased fall damage, lowered stamina cost for jumps, faster crouched movement, faster movement while aiming a ranged weapon, and faster life-regeneration outside of combat. These bonuses would scale depending on armor usage, so the more / heavier armor you wear, the less passive benefits you get. Additional ideas for buffing light armor here.


  • While using a ranged weapon (reloading, aiming, shooting, and for a brief period after any of these actions), you will take increased damage from projectiles. Alternatively, this can occur anytime you're simply holding a ranged weapon, though that may encourage players to constantly switch to a dagger to avoid taking extra damage.


  • Should be the default behavior. It's dumb that you're unable to take someone's shield just because it's on their back.

Wrecker, Smith

  • Having the toolbox in your inventory could make you passively better at building and breaking things. Additionally, certain weapons are already much better at destroying (maul) and repairing (blacksmith's hammer), so these are really not necessary.


  • Spiked Gauntlets or Caestus. They could even be a passive item that you're always wearing.

Second Wind, Fury, Bloodlust, Friendly, Fireproof

  • Generalist perks that are good in basically every XvX situation really have no place in the game.

As mentioned prior some perks do change gameplay enough to be a separate feature (Rush, Flesh Wound, Dodge, and Peasant). However their current form does little to make the game more interesting, and with so few of them it doesn't really justify having a whole perk system. A trade-off system could be the way to go (like Flesh Wound reducing maximum HP). This thread isn't about that though, so I'll leave that for a different discussion. The point is to illustrate that most Perks, in their current form, feel very tacked-on and unnecessary.

Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 27 Oct '17

Every patch brings along a myriad of interesting changes and re-balances, most of which seem to be good tweaks, but some of which are leaving the community with mixed opinions. A quick stroll through the official Mordhau discord reveals a blend of confusion, frustration, and disappointment among players. Two recent changes, the removal of kick-stun and tweaked parry lockout, are examples of changes that have left some players (myself included) somewhat baffled. In an attempt to gain insight on these changes, I read what people were saying on the discord and browsed through forum discussions, but there appears to be no general consensus on why these changes were added and if they are good or not.

Right now, the patch-notes leave most of the community in the dark. The best we can do is guess at what the developers are thinking, and that level of communication is utterly insufficient when the core mechanics of the game are being tweaked with nearly every patch. Before the Mordhau alpha, we had the developer blogs and some carefully-planned reviews, which were incredibly informative and highly appreciated. I loved those videos, and I loved the level of discussion that was taking place. I was really hoping that the developers would continue to stay in touch with their player-base at that level, but it seems that's not the case.

We need developer commentary on big changes that are being made. We don't need blogs, just something as simple as explaining the changes that were made in each patch. Brief commentary under some of the more drastic changes could make a world of difference. Developer Crushed made an "Alpha Build #10 Discussion Thread" here, but much like the last build discussion thread, there is very little actual player-developer discussion happening. These threads mostly exist as a way for developers to gather a bit of feedback on their changes, which is good, but it doesn't help us understand why the changes were put here in the first place.

In Patch #10, the changes for lockouts says "this will reduce the attack spam after parrying someone". This is helpful and gives me an idea of the decision-making that went into these changes, but I'd really appreciate even more elaboration. Rather than an unorganized list of (often seemingly-arbitrary) changes, I'd prefer an organized list of changes with some commentary that helps the community understand why the changes are being made and what the developers goals are (short term or long term). I'm having a lot of fun with Mordhau, I just wish I understood the development process a little better.

Below is a mock example I made.
Keep in mind that the commentary I put here is NOT ACTUAL DEVELOPER COMMENTARY, nor does it accurately portray the developers' thoughts. It's merely an example of how the patch-notes could be structured in the future.

Reworked Kick

  • Kick feint cost increased to 15 (previously 10)
  • Removed kick ghost tracers (range is now accurate to the foot)
  • Increased kick turncap slightly
  • Kicks now flinch instead of stun. Removed the kick protection that prevented getting flinched by another kick as the flinch time is lower than stun time.
  • Increased Kick damage to 15 (from 10)
  • Increased Kick knockback
  • Decreased Kick miss cost to 20 (from 30)

Developer Commentary: We originally created the kick with the intention of punishing facehuggers, but the kick proved too strong when used aggressively. By removing the stun and increasing the knockback, we expect the kick to be used more defensively and as a way to help players using longer weapons to distance themselves from aggressive players. We understand the kick will be much weaker now, but we will take steps to fine tune it from here.

Light / Unarmored Movement Speed

  • Naked & light armor max. sprint acceleration lowered slightly - naked now (0.9 / 0.9 / 0.3) light armor (0.85 / 0.85 / 0.3)
  • Light armor movement speed slowdown increased (from 2% to 3%)

Developer Commentary: We want light and unarmored to feel fast but not disrupt the flow of combat. We will be making subtle changes to acceleration and slowdown as we continue to put out new updates and eventually add the perk system. We also want unarmored to be distinct from light armor, without either seeming like the superior option.

Naturally, certain players will still complain about certain changes they disagree with, but at least they'll know where the developers are coming from. Otherwise, it will be a confusing and frustrating experience for them. The bottom line is that it doesn't take much offer to write down your thoughts, and some brief commentary on changes being made is not a lot to ask for. While I'm sure certain players out there who are more skilled and seasoned than your average player, especially people who've dropped hundreds (or thousands) of hours into Slasher, will understand the patch notes perfectly fine: the majority of players won't - especially once the game goes into beta.

Knight 766 3328
  • 27 Aug '19

Welcome, brothers and sisters to our nightly gathering. Tonight, we pray to our almighty Geach and Vesanus. Praised be their names, it has been all too long since our last patchie, but my brethren NOW, now is the time to remain strong. Keep vigilance and open eyes. Someday soon patchie will arrive and we will rejoice once more. These are dark dark days, but do not forget the light that is Jax. These evil demons, mods will try to bring you down, but never fear. Never fear and prevail, such is our way. ALL HAIL THE DEVS ABOVE. AMEN!


Knight 766 3328
  • 1
  • 14 Jan '19

Incredibly weak thread, Goof. I'm thoroughly and genuinely disappointed in the lack of effort that you've displayed here today. You need to really step up your shitposting game. You permanently and drastically lowered the level of discussion and integrity of the entire forums when you posted that generic, unfunny, facebook-tier meme image. I give you a solid 0/10.

Knight 766 3328
  • 9 Jul '19

So I was thinking the other day about how Mordhau is going to have female characters added to it, then began to google images of shields. I imagined myself being surrounded by no less than three (3) female characters, holding their big kite shields in my face, rendering me utterly helpless. The thought of these powerful women holding up their shields and becoming invincible made me weak at the knees. But I figured, why stop there? The imagination is a powerful thing, after all. I imagined all of the women having the fat slider all the way up, they were armed with Bastard Swords, each wearing a different color of Landsknecht legs, thrusting the Bastard Swords forward so quickly my eyes couldn't even keep up, and of course chainmail mitten gauntlets. My mouth was watering at this point as they alternated between held block and unreadable instant stab animations, making my eyes roll back into my head as I imagined their ear-piercing female screams, like the dreaded howling of a banshee. It wasn't long after that I went from 60ml down to 47ml of semen. Why? Are you aware of this issue? I really want my cum back! Please don't allow Bastard Sword stab animations to plague your players! Please give me back my cum.

Knight 766 3328