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  • Date joined 14 Feb '16
  • Last seen 7 Jul

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Baron 1644 5231
  • 16 Sep '17

I figured this was gonna happen. Months on months of devs explaining all the things that counter feints, and days after the alpha launch the filthy peasants are all "feints are overused, 2gud, can't beat 'em, nerf feints, buff parry recovery time, blow me"


You can CHAMBER that shit. Chambering makes reading feints easier, as you're supposed to wait for the opposing player to grunt (indicating weapon release) to chamber, and feints never make sound. If you're not good, you can still fucking DODGE that shit. Hitboxes are fuckin' TIGHT as shit, man. You can sidestep that shit, duck, lean, roshawn your smarmy face right into their tiny ballsack. Hit. Avoided.

If you're such a half-cocked cockring that you can't even dodge, then get in close as your miserable whiff of a parry turns into a flaccid mess, and kick them in their smug fucking face.


Baron 1644 5231
  • 5 Feb '17

this is 30 minutes i'll never get back, oh well

if you're suicidal, i'm taking requests







Baron 1644 5231
  • 2 Mar '19

Alright. Now that I have everyone riled up, time to delay this indefinitely.

The games begin... now!



The horn sounds, and everybody scatters in different directions, with surprisingly little fighting going on.
Though, elweb, I gotta say, that lighter and rope combination is HELLA sus, dude. Just what are you planning on doing with those?


Vanguard SEIZES the means of destruction from Runagate! With his newfound power, all private property at the Cornucopia will be forcibly redistributed... to himself.

A true Frenchman through and through. Ready to start some riots.
And that's the end of the so-called "Bloodbath", folks. A sum total of zero deaths around the Cornucopia. Let's keep going!


Frise, for whatever reason, decides that this horrible patchie-mutant abomination should continue on living its horrible, miserable life. He lets it flee into the trees.


Jesus fucking Christ! Our first death of the games, and it's none other than Humble fucking bodying Ratt to death. I'm a bit disappointed; I thought Ratt was destined for great things. Sayonara, my drunk Russian artfriend.


"release... fuckign... game already, stupid pigdog," he mutters under his breath as he peers at Elwebbaro through the bushes.


Marox and Max team up to try to find any scraps of leftover Kickstarter money.


Jax accidentally leaks game info on a live stream! -5 HP!


...a shack out of which he immediately begins selling some delicious, piping hot Red Lobster™ Cheddar Bay Biscuits™! Seeing as he's alone in the woods, nobody takes him up on the offer.


That;s not double K.O! hunger Games shit! is a fucking joke..




Rough times for the Christmas Hat Guild. I had high hopes for them!

The first day has come to a close with only two deaths, surprisingly. It seems the forum-goers are more averse to conflict than we were led to believe... but will it last?



The twilight hours find most of the tributes questioning their lives and their sanity.
:( poor Geach, I want to give him a hug right now...
Also, looks like Jax got fed up with some of that SA shittalking. Frise Frisedrags no more!


91={{9001187393}} water dehydration problem solution baba ji in PANEM


"Where.... p...patchie..." twitch twitch


Spook pulls out the banhammer and eradicates communism from the Internet. Ohshitsorry runs away in panic, lest he himself be wiped from existence.

Rest in peace, Vanguard. Forever liberating the wage-slaves in our hearts.


The implications of this conversation are pretty terrifying and I don't really want to imagine how it went down.


"What if... what if Double KO isn't the point of all this? What if I've been wrong this whole time?"


Brutal, some infighting among the devs. Poor elweb just wanted out of there, but alas, nobody runs from the art czars.


And it looks like Marox finally found that Kickstarter money! He's had a chance to hide it from Max while Max was out murdering their colleagues. Will they keep working together, or will one betray the other?? Find out next time on the Mordhau Games!!

Baron 1644 5231
  • 16 May '18


-3rd person
why: literally nobody asked for it and it adds nothing to this FIRST PERSON game
at the very least make it a toggle-able option for community servers and disable it on official servers

-kick stun
why: it's the chivalry kick, basically. the one you guys said you were going to improve on
the original kick in mordhau was good for interrupting attacks without being overly annoying or broken, now it's just godawful and the worst shit ever

-hit trades
why: the fuck did you add hit trades to mordhau
active parry was a much more intuitive and less face-desking mechanic
also, this furthers the extreme neglect of chambers and clashes, fundamentally some of the most interesting and revolutionary mechanics in mordhau and the most fun to do. they occur less often now that there's such an emphasis on the boring parry and riposte meta

-jump kicks
why: this is an actual bug, and for some reason you guys have said you have no intention to fix it in the forseeable future. WHY.

may add more things to remove over time
please remove these very bad, no good, ugly things from our mordhau. thanks

Baron 1644 5231
  • 3
  • 26 Dec '17

After doing some in depth playing around with the customization system. It's really really bad - I just want to put all my thoughts here so that it can be improved for full release. Will add on as I notice more, might be a bit short at the start because it's past midnight on Christmas and I'm tired.


This is a total clusterfuck imo tbh.
The eyes need to be reworked totally. For starters, they're a near perfect almond shape and it makes the characters look... unnatural. Being able to tweak with eye shape and size, as well as brow shelf and lid shape will remove a lot of the weird uncanny valley feeling of looking at a Mordhau avatar.

But by far the biggest offense happens whenever you try to move the eyes. What the fuck is going on with the asymmetry here?


And again if you move everything out as far as possible.

And here's a zoomed out view so you can see that, much unlike my acne, it doesn't get better when you run the other way.

When I created my very first character in the game I tried to make his eyes look a little less weird, and fucked them up like that. They're still sitting that way to this very day, hidden in shame behind his helmet. Something seriously needs to be done to change everything about the eye customization. I would focus on three things:

1) Give us different pre-set eye shapes to work with, it will bring added diversity to the customization and will make the people look more human... I hope.
2) Fix whatever the fuck is turning the eye sculpting into an HR Giger nightmare.
3) Give us more sculpting zones and more control in the areas around the eyes and brow. I can barely move the eyebrows to show different placement or shape, and besides making cheekbones you could cut logs with I can't define the upper face much either.


It's crazy to me that there's absolutely no sculpting for the rest of the head. I was trying to make Chancellor Palpatine earlier, but I couldn't create a good replica because I couldn't increase the size of the forehead at all. Not only can you not change the shape of important facial features like the forehead, temples, and brow, but the top of the head is this bulbous, perfectly round thing and you can't change the shape or width at all. It's kind of unsightly.

To make a truly dynamic sculpting system, one needs to be able to really dig in and change the shape of a person's skull and the meat sitting on top of it. But I'm tired now and I'll keep this going in the morning. edit: I don't actually feel like saying more for now, I feel this made my point sufficiently. But I'll expand it eventually when/if things change.


I think that the fact that you can change the jawline as drastically as you can is great, but without being able to change the size and width of the head or neck area, a lot of the potential changes here can go pretty much unnoticed. Most of the basic head shape stays the same on all characters, so if they have a chiseled superman jawline or a flabby, sunken one you can only see it up close.

Mouths are... eh. You can technically change them, but pretty much the only way to go about it is to give them a weird little permanent smile or frown. Just like eyes, I would prefer if we had a slider to change through various mouths that give the lips different shapes, colors, and textures.

Another thing that would be nice to have is to be able to resize the ears. We can position them differently or make them stick out or lay flat to the head, but they still look relatively similar. An important part of human development is the continued growth of the ear lobes. Cartilage never stops growing, so any character that has gray hair is likely to have larger and droopier ears. Changing the size and shape of the ears themselves would help this a lot.


Not that important at the moment, really, since the nose sculpting is just fine. But it might be nice to have a nose slider as well, since there are several different "varieties" of noses, particularly over different races which are presumably also going to be added in the future.


By far one of the most critical flaws of the entire customization system. As Ratt pointed out below, having the same flat skin tone for an entire face is unrealistic and makes the characters seem like dolls, if not corpses. I would suggest a system not unlike the one in place for the Elder Scrolls games, which allows you to change skin tone for different parts of the face - under the eyes, above and below the lips, in the cheeks and forehead, etc. Humans realistically have some shades of redness around the nose and cheeks and darker areas under the eyes and nose.

Another good addition in this area would be a way to modify where wrinkles show up - for example, if your character had deep laugh lines or forehead wrinkles, but no other obvious signs of age.


Uh, I'm no graphic designer and I have no idea what kind of work it would take to improve the hair assets, but to be honest they look pretty much like straw. It would be great to have some that are a little more detailed and less... stick-ish.

That's all for now.

Baron 1644 5231
  • 1
  • 1 Sep '17

@crushed said:

@LemonTroutsky said:
I think the most likely scenario is that there's some major flaws with the core mechanics of the game and all they've got is something the devs can make pretty demos with... but once it gets into the hands of actual players, they know it's going to be literally nothing but exploits and cheese spam.

You couldn't be more wrong. We are excited to give the game to the players, it just needs a little bit more time before its ready.

Looks like his arguments were

( •


Baron 1644 5231
  • 3 Mar '19


Come on, again?! He already has enough bombs, damnit. At this point he's gonna turn into the Unabomber, or something.


Max tries to wield a trident, but then remembers that they didn't add tridents to the game. He ponders his existence.


Oh god. Oh god... not again. NOT AGAIN. It's gonna be just like last time...

Some more jolly co-operation from various tributes. Interestingly, it seems like the God of Order, Marox, has teemed up with his opposite, Rob the Dark God of Chaos.


Red Lobster accidentally buys into a Baba Ji scam and is riddled with bankruptcy, HIV, bad vibes, etc.


I think this is the first big gang of tributes we've seen, and what a group it is! Two streamers, two forum regulars, and a serial spammer. The stuff of legends.


It's a long, long way from SA. Speaking of which...




District 7 is the first to be totally annihilated, leaving Humble as the sole representative of SA still in the game. Will he pull through?



Some more jolly co-operation. Spook has thrown in with the spammers of District 8... to his benefit, or to his demise?


Good luck, bud. You're gonna need it.




Red Lobster finally gets their first customer! Jax is welcomed into the makeshift diner and offered a steaming plate of fried shrimp. Wait, where'd he get those?


Alas. You might be the Dankest Meme on the forums, but you're no match for a god with a sharp sword and a sharper temper.

One Christmas Hat remains...


...heh. This has meme potential.

Baron 1644 5231
Baron 1644 5231
  • 1
  • 13 Feb '18

I made this because I have things to procrastinate on.

Key: An orange disc beside a quote means that it's real and taken directly from that forum member. A lack of a disc means that it's memey bullshit or paraphrase by myself.

mordhau alignment chart.jpg

+secret bonus panel of rob_owner's alter ego
bonus panel.jpg

Baron 1644 5231
  • 7 May '19

My new take on "cool knight dude"


His backstory is that he's cool and a knight

Baron 1644 5231
  • 14 Feb '18


Baron 1644 5231
Baron 1644 5231
Baron 1644 5231
  • 11 Sep '17


Baron 1644 5231
  • 7 Jul '19

The question of Triternion's size has been on my mind for a long time as well.

Why didn't you guys immediately take any kind of chunk out of those massive profits and put it towards hiring some more developers, community managers, and PR managers? Triternion is in DESPERATE need of more manpower - I can't overstate that. You're dealing with a bigger fish than you ever thought you would and your small team is no longer equipped to handle it.

Additionally, there's a huge chunk of space in the lobby that currently sits empty of anything important (if you've finished the tutorial) and looks like it's meant to hold some kind of blog on new updates, events, etc. Jax, why not start a developer newsletter embedded in the game lobby? Let us know estimated time of arrival for new maps, provide progress pictures, announce community tournaments and scrimmages with the devs, there's limitless potential there. All of that would make it feel like Trit is taking a much more active role in their community and not just ghosting us until they have an update to drop out of nowhere.

Baron 1644 5231
  • 29 Apr '19


Baron 1644 5231
  • 1 Mar '19

Come one, come all!
Come and see the highly anticipated spinoff to the unfinished sequel to the acclaimed visual masterpiece, The Mordhau Games!

You may be asking yourself, where is Valmirius? Well, he died. But never fear! We here at Mordhau Games, Inc. are so grateful to Valmirius for his massive contributions to the cause that we've actually exhumed his corpse to preside over the games! See for yourself:


Given that many people demanded a sequel to the Mordhau Games, and some apparently thought I was the one that created it in the first place, I've taken it upon myself to bring satisfaction back to the forums in these times of woe.

Hold on to your butts, everyone. The games will start tomorrow, abruptly and without preamble. At a time of no particular significance.


Baron 1644 5231
  • 25 Apr '18


Baron 1644 5231
  • 24 Apr '18

@JoBe said:
I think the burgonet with buffet matches the looks of hussar cuirass quite well along with the crude and segmented armor.

Knight in armory.png

Gives a wholesomely protected appearance.

Knight in arms.png


Baron 1644 5231
  • 23 Sep '17

With no dark skin and no afros in the game yet this is the best I can do for my man with no POTIONS