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  • Date joined 30 Jun '16
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That guy looks like Kermit the Frog turned into an effeminate human and started wearing women's clothes.

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Here's one that I've had for nearly two years that I've been saving to spring on a shield topic, but the opportunity never presented itself. It never fails to make me smile. Behold.


And the epic slow motion youtube version.

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I want a rare secret scene that's been hidden within the game that is randomly triggered. It plays on the monitor only of the people in the server, never plays again, and automatically patches itself out of the game.

You're winding up an overhead and suddenly for seemingly no reason a short video of an old man eating cereal plays.

Good luck convincing people who weren't there that it happened.

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Here are a few quick snaps I got of the dossier, as well as two more cinematics. I'm still trying to recover some corrupted files. This type of covert camera tends not to be very reliable.





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I was recently doing some research at the Red Lobster™ archives and I came across something interesting.

An old 3.5 floppy disk. The label reads:

"Mordhau 2099 R&D C/M (T & RLAD) Project Demo"

It is dated 1983.

According to the accompanying dossier it was a joint project between a development team code named "T" and the "RLAD" (Red Lobster™ Advertising Division.) It was planned to be one of the most groundbreaking video games in history. A Melee / FPS with selectable multi angle attacks, a rich and diverse storyline which stretched from the 8th century to the year 2099, and featured a real life cast of over 40 actors whose photographed scenes were scanned into a photo to CGA converter. It would have displayed in full color composite mode, although this particular copy is a limited palette cyan / magenta demo version. This was all nearly NINE YEARS before Wolfenstein 3D.

Later pages of the folder explain how the collaboration fell through and it is referenced as one of the biggest marketing failures in the history of our company. It has been a corporate secret to this day, with an unprecedented 17 million dollars being spent on it's development before it was finally canceled.

It says on the final page that during the resulting settlement in 1984 the intellectual property was returned to "T" with the mutual agreement that any further development could not resume until 30 years had passed (2014)

I ran the disk on one of the older computers that still operates off of ms-dos, and managed to get these photos from the opening cinematic before a member of archive security walked in and nearly caught me. I barely managed to bluff my way out.

Here are a few of the shots I was able to obtain:


I'll post some more later on... There are some guys in suits at the door.

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I will admit this is what popped into my mind:

Although in the grand scheme I don't actually enjoy seeing them fail. They have likely learned some hard lessons from their recent mistakes. Hopefully it will drive them to greater things. Rather than turn into an eternal piñata I would much rather see them listen to their community and produce a quality successor to Chiv.

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Hah! He made you respond so you are also a part of the problem!

Wait a minute....

hangs head

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I feel like this is an idea which is too often overlooked, and something the devs should considered implementing. For anyone who doesn't know, Red Lobster™ is an American casual dining restaurant chain which offers quality seafood at competitive prices.

The idea is that every month a player eats at Red Lobster™ and receives a code on their receipt. That code allows them another month of access to Mordhau. As long as they eat at Red Lobster™ once a month they have unlimited play time. We'll have to work out a mutually approved european alternative restaurant for the unfortunate areas where a Red Lobster™ has not yet been constructed.

This would also provide a health service to the player base. Many people who play games for extended periods of time are more likely to be deficient in certain vitamins and minerals. A single cup of lobster provides significant amounts of B vitamins, including 17 percent of the recommended dietary allowance of niacin, 13 percent of the RDA of vitamin B-6 and 9 percent of the RDA of vitamin B-12. These vitamins play vital roles in metabolism, neurological function, healthy skin maintenance and red blood cell formation. In addition to B vitamins, 1 cup of lobster also supplies 10 percent of the RDA of vitamin E, which is crucial to vitamin A and C absorption and the prevention of damage to cell membranes. Vitamin E is also a powerful antioxidant.

In addition to the above idea I'm thinking of adding a separate point system where each $ spent = 1 point. Once you hit 2500 points Jax personally comes to your house to host a Mordhau themed luau where he performs haunting Young the Giant covers on ukulele, and makes balloon animals for the children.

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"Their horse hairs are made up of how much slow pheasantry!"

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The horse is Crushed.

See how the forum members try to bend him to their will.


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At this point removing either input method is a winless scenario for the devs which would alienate either one large group or another. It is quite literally the worst available option, and the laziest "fix" possible. Regardless of what tweaks we feel need to be made to 240, the people who call for the removal of keybinds to make up for the shortcomings of 240 are being shortsighted. They are self interested and putting their own desires ahead of their fellow players, and ahead of the playability of the game itself.

What some of you people are suggesting is akin to taking Keybinds into the woods and executing it for doing it's job well, so 240 doesn't have to feel bad about itself. Just improve the substandard 240 system.

I find it rather telling that some people in their blind pursuit to "balance" the game by removing keybinds don't seem to care that some of us also donated to the kickstarter with the understanding that keybinds would be one of the two input methods.

TL;DR People should stop calling to remove either input method. Maximum freedom of input and more refined 240 is the solution. We should be able to bind 240 system to a wheel controller, keybinds to foot pedals, and feint to the horn. Oh, and you should eat at Red Lobster etc.

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Legend says he uses his nose to drive and open most doors.

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Xekratos leans too far it seems
when sitting in a chair.

Uneven ground will prove unsound
When one leg rests on air.

When he leaned back we heard a crack
He landed with a solid whack
And someone ran for an ice pack

Get well soon our friend

Clack Clack

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Nah I just get a lot of deja vu and my ticks get more interrupting.

Sorry I couldn't resist screwing with your deja vu.

Sorry I couldn't resist screwing with your deja vu.

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Brazil is actually a country?

Shit I thought that place was just a myth.

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Don't hate the superior input method of binds. Improve the substandard 240 system.

Just because the 240 system looks better on paper and worse in execution is no reason to bully some poor key into feeling like it is somehow inferior.


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Stop drinking your breakfast from a flask, Ratt. We're starting to get concerned.

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That reminds me of a killfeed I once saw in halo:

"a hippy killed your mother"

I also once got a headshot with a bolt action rifle in RO2, then checked the killfeed and I had shot "John F. Kennedy."

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Reasonable, nice, and cute... but also edgy, had a bad attitude, and was banned.

Showed up every day, and now may or may not still be lurking around under an alt...

Stop toying with my emotions.