Mordhau

A tale of four shrubs.

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Gather round young men and women, and let me tell you a tale of the mystical Shrub Knights of old, with a small request for the devs at the end.

A long time ago, when chivalry was still in its prime, there was a young man who's name is now unimportant. This man, with the help of three of his friends, made a group of knights that could not be conquered by any means. The highest ranking player couldn't even best them, together or apart. They were known only as the Shrub Knights, and their banner showed as much. A simple emblem titled "Shrubbery!" could be seen on each of their clothes as they valiantly stormed each and every battlefield.

There was the mighty knight, Butterball. His raw might was only matched by the maul he had with him at all times. In just seconds he could turn your head into a gooey paste, or act as a wall to hold the line for his fellow man. If the maul wasn't able to be used, his mace the "holy water sprinkler" could be used in a pinch. Though he was a rather simple and jovial fellow, to get on his bad side would surely end in your demise.

Then there was the man-at-arms. He didn't really have much of a name since most everyone called him the master fister. The reason? He only used his fists. Ever. This one man could take on hordes of other players, and punch your head clean off without taking so much as a scratch. He didn't need to block when he could just sidestep you and break your spine. Just in case, he would always carry a scimitar and an oil pot, mostly to break up groups.

Next was the archer, Rudy. Though weaker than most, his speed made him a foe you should be wary of. He often used spears both up close and at a distance, or pebbles when he got bored. There was even a time when he accidentally popped butterball's head off with a pebble. We don't talk about that. Or the actual butter knife he kept in his boot he used to decapitate people. Rudy was crazy. That's why they loved him.

And finally, there was the vanguard. The leader of the Shrub Knights. The vanguard used one weapon, and he used it well. The mighty zweihander - or as he called it, the "zander fusion." With the reach of that sword, his weird ability to thrive during moments when the game was rubberbanding, and his fellow compatriots, he could not be stopped by anyone. He would lead the charge, screaming a ferocious battle cry, and strike down the enemy as the others closed in on the rest. He was the first - and last - of the shrub knights.

You might be asking yourself, how did such a group come to be? Well, I'll tell you. It was that emblem. The man who created the shrub knights figured it'd be funny to slap that on a heater shield and hide. It was "medieval camouflage." What's worse is it worked.

So, what am I asking the devs? Simple. Bring back the shrubbery! Let the tale live on!

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10/10 would shrub again